The topic that started bothering me recently is this new fast-food sort of knowledge sharing system that pops up here and there online as the newly discovered truth. Continue reading “7 Habits”
Conflict Resolution
Thomas-Kilmann model is widely misunderstood.
First, it’s a behavioral model, not a guide to conflict resolution. Then, it has nothing to do with win-win, lose-lose etc.
The only possible positive solution for both parties of the conflict lies in collaborating area. When both input high levels of assertiveness and cooperativeness. “Growing the pie”.
Competing provokes deeper conflict. My way or the highway approach, when submission by force is in no way a solution at all. Playing the muscles is a “lose-lose” too.
And finally, compromising, the cornerstone of modern European ideology is nothing but “lose-lose”.
An interesting book on this subject was written by the FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss, “Never Split the Difference”. I recommend.
BATNA
overheard today:
– what’s your BATNA?
– I’ll get fired… 🙁
What do you do when you fly long-haul?
I talk to strangers.
It is much easier to start conversation with a person stuck next to you whom you will probably never see again.
Here’s just some people I can remember talking to
- Rimskiy-Korsakov’s grand son, consul of Belgium
- Tiffany’s diamond buying director
- GE regional director
- director of nuclear research institute
- salesperson selling grass to football stadiums
- VP of scaffolding making corporation
- antique floors maker
- Movie director
- TV host
- Bankers
- Students
- Elderly parents visiting their children abroad
And I talk to the crew. They seem to appreciate when someone treats them as people and not serve-me-food-now objects
Have you met some interesting characters on board? Are you the one to tell your life story to a stranger?
Triple A STAR
A great message picked-up this week-end from “Beyond Reason”.
Treat your negotiation opponent as a Triple A STAR!
Ok, ok, the acronym is mine.
So triple A stands for “Appreciation”, “Affiliation”, “Autonomy” and the STAR stands for STAtus and Role.
These are the key feelings that can take a friend to foe and vice versa. These are the buttons that wrongly pushed would ruin your negotiations. Beware of them!
Oftentimes we get frustrated when our counterpart does not meet our requests, we tend to ignore the hours of preparations and alignments they had to do within their organisations in order to improve their offer #X. A simple appreciation of someone’s hard job will help you turn the war cabinet into the professional meeting. To lower the degree and to start building positive emotional background well needed to motivate your counterpart to keep working on yet another offer!
Affiliation, is part of our defense mechanism. To take a person out alone and expose her/him is the worst humiliation. Remember about the team spirit being cultivated in your organisation? Well, be sure that your counterpart is part of the same culture. Don’t humiliate your counterparts by comparing them to their (better) predecessors or their (ideal) bosses. The person in front of you is the best partner you’ve got. Treat this person as part of the world’s best elite! (which by the way, can be actually true )
Autonomy. Never doubt person’s skills or capabilities to solve issues, get the right answers, improve the offer. For you and me, it is better to do our job properly, to bring all to conclusion. Isn’t it why we are hired? Stop panicking by asking to see the superior if something doesn’t go right the first time. Give person some autonomy. It will be appreciated, it will help you too.
Status. So what is it that you can lose if you will meet your counterpart personally and treat them with a cup of coffee? If you meet at your office, the person had probably started his/her day very early, had to take a train or an airplane. Treat them better, care for their hardships. Praise them for the time they invest in you, otherwise next meeting will be only by the phone J. Simple curtesy can change the outcome of your negotiations.
Role. Support your counterpart personal involvement and achievements within his/her own organization. Advocate for them. Compliment them in front of their superiors. Do not undercut them. Build your relations with the person and keep them after the project is long done.
Build bridges, don’t burn them (an advice to myself too)!
Good luck with your next Triple A STAR!
